How I've been feeling since after January 2 , 2009 at 8:46 p.m

Before January 2, 2009 I was okay smiley and going with the flow. What was January 2, 2009,.. the day my best friend, my hero, my grandmother died. Words cant describe how I feel ever since then. People may look at me and think that I have the best life ever that I've got so many friends that I can talk to but I don't. Ever since then all I've wanted to do was cry. My heart is broken and I can't find the pieces to glue it back together. I can't think straight. There's to much worries, pain, and hopeless dreams that I know won't happen tearing me apart. My eyes are filled with tears and my heart hurts. When can I breathe again? I don't know I don't think I'll never know. I can't talk to anybody because they don't care or listen they go back to what is going good in their lives. Will tomorrow be a better day... probably not,but my fake smile will hide my tears. Now my smile is a frown and I'm not going with flow anymore.